Momentary lapse of life

13 October, 2006

If Microsoft Owned McDonald’s

Filed under: Humor, Microsoft — Cope57 @ 9:10

Source: Unknown

1. Every order would come with fries whether you asked for them or not.
2. When they introduce McPizza, the marketing makes it seem that they invented pizza.
3. “A McDonald’s on every block” — Bill Gates.
4. You’d be constantly pressured to upgrade to a more expensive burger.
5. Sometimes you’ll find that the burger box is empty. For some strange reason you’ll accept this and purchase another one.
6. They’d claim the burgers are the same size as at other fast food chains,but in reality it’s just a larger bun hiding the small beef patty.
7. Straws wouldn’t be available until after you finish your drink.
8. “Push” technology — they have McD employees come to your door and sell you Happy Meals.
9. Your order would never be right but the cash register would work perfectly for taking your money.
10. The “Special Sauce” cannot be reverse engineered, decompiled, or placed on more than 1 Big Mac.

24 September, 2006

How much abuse will you take from Micro$oft?

Filed under: Microsoft — Cope57 @ 3:22

Stolen directly from Linux-Watch

Seriously, how many times must users and businesses be kicked in the face before they buy a clue? Before they realize that they don’t have to stay in the abusive Microsoft relationship. The answer seems to be: an unlimited number of times.

Take, for example, Internet Explorer. In the latest bad news, the newest zero-day flaw in the Internet Explorer implementation of the Vector Markup Language has opened up a gaping wound in Windows. Through that wound, every kind of garbage imaginable — bots, Trojan down-loaders, spyware, rootkits — are pouring into Windows systems.

You think you’re safe because you do all the right things in patching your systems? Think again, this hole exists even in fully-patched version of Windows XP SP2 running IE 6. Right now, this very moment, if you go to the wrong site with IE 6, your system is going to get as sick as a dog and You Can’t Do Anything About It.

Well, actually, there is one thing you could do. You could switch from vermin-ridden Windows to a desktop Linux. For businesses, I recommend SLED (SUSE Linux Enterprise Desktop) 10. For home users, Ubuntu 6.06, SimplyMEPIS 6.0, Xandros 4, or Freespire are all excellent choices.

Not sure how to do it? No problem. IBM has just published a free 376-page book, the Linux Client Migration Cookbook, on how to jump from Windows to Linux.

OK, so you’re not ready to do that. Fine, then would you do yourself the favor of at least dumping IE and using Firefox instead? Yes, Firefox has security problems, too. But, you know what? They tend to be fixed fast — and there has never, I repeat, never been a significant Firefox-based malware attack of any kind.

Internet Explorer? It takes forever for some problems to be fixed. Worse still, even when Microsoft “fixes” a problem they sometimes can’t get it right the first time, or even the second time. They finally did get it right the third time… but, of course, it was only after that, that the floodwaters of filth came pouring into the hole the folks from Redmond hadn’t patched.

What will it take?

Some Microsoft users swear that they trust Microsoft to get it right. Is that the same kind of right as when Microsoft tried to slip by us the fact that the Zune, their answer to the iPod, won’t play Microsoft’s own PlaysForSure media files?

The only thing I’m sure of about Microsoft is that they believe that there’s a sucker born every minute. So far, it seems that they’re right, as users continue to stand by their shoddy goods, without even seriously considering the competition.

My only hope for most of these poor fools is that Vista’s price tag will make them at least consider an alternative to Windows on their desktops. And, since Microsoft doesn’t have a strangle-hold on the portable music market, buyers will have the good sense to not give Zune a chance to trap their music in a new Microsoft DRM (digital rights management) prison.

Steven J. Vaughan-Nichols

How much abuse will you take from Microsoft?

Final note:

Patch Tuesday is followed by Exploit Wednesday……

14 July, 2006

Microsoft uses Linux

Filed under: Linux, Microsoft — Cope57 @ 11:26

Microsoft uses Linux | reader response on| CNET News.com

Story: More Linux facts from Microsoft

a.microsoft.com
http://video.msn.com

These also show to be using Linux as of this post

uk.my.msn.com
toolbar.msn.com
techpreview.search.msn.com
sports.msn.com
site.search.msn.com
search.se.msn.com
search.msn.com
related.msn.com
partners.search.msn.com
msnvideo.msn.com
msnbcmedia.msn.com
media.msnbc.msn.com
lords.msn.com
jp.search.msn.com
ie.search.msn.com
fr.ca.search.msn.com
entimg.msn.com
doonesbury.msn.com
de.search.msn.com
clip.search.msn.com
ca.search.msn.com
beta.entimg.msn.com
auto.search.msn.com

Part of Microsoft’s internal network is Linux.

The download server (download.windowsvista.com) for the Vista beta is linux.

Get the facts indeed!

21 May, 2006

Micro$oft TV dinner

Filed under: Microsoft — Cope57 @ 20:30

Instructions for Microsoft’s TV dinner

You must first remove the plastic cover. By doing so you agree to accept and honor Microsoft rights to all TV dinners. You may not give anyone else a bite of your dinner (which would constitute an infringement of Microsoft’s rights). You may, however, let others smell and look at your dinner and are encouraged to tell them how good it is.

If you have a PC microwave oven, insert the dinner into the oven. Set the oven using these keystrokes:

\mstv.dinn.//08.5min@@50%heat//

Then enter:

ms//start.cook_dindin/yummy\|/yum~yum:-)gohot#cookme.

If you have a Mac oven, insert the dinner and press start. The oven will set itself and cook the dinner.

If you have a Unix oven, insert the dinner, enter the ingredients of the dinner (found on the package label), the weight of the dinner, and the desired level of cooking and press start. The oven will calculate the time and heat and cook the dinner exactly to your specification.

Be forewarned that Microsoft dinners may crash, in which case your oven must be restarted. This is a simple procedure. Remove the dinner from the oven and enter:

ms.no.good/tryagain\again/again.crap.

This process may have to be repeated. Try unplugging the microwave and then doing a cold reboot. If this doesn’t work, contact your hardware vendor.

Many users have reported that the dinner tray is far too big, larger than the dinner itself, having many useless compartments, most of which are empty. These are for future menu items.

If the tray is too large to fit in your oven you will need to upgrade your equipment. Dinners are only available from registered outlets, and only the chicken variety is currently produced. If you want another variety, call MicrosoftHelp and they will explain that you really don’t want another variety. Microsoft Chicken is all you really need.

Microsoft has disclosed plans to discontinue all smaller versions of their chicken dinners. Future releases will only be in the larger family size. Excess chicken may be stored for future use, but must be saved only in Microsoft approved packaging.

Microsoft promises a dessert with every dinner after ‘98. However, that version has yet to be released. Users have permission to get thrilled in advance.

Microsoft dinners may be incompatible with other dinners in the freezer, causing your freezer to self-defrost. This is a feature, not a bug. Your freezer probably should have been defrosted anyway.

8 April, 2006

Windows Vista to Ship in 33 Different Versions

Filed under: Microsoft — Cope57 @ 12:24

Windows
Windows Vista to Ship in 33 Different Versions
Redmond, WA – Microsoft announced today that its new operating system Vista will ship in 33 editions to enable consumers to get exactly which version they need. Barry Goffe, a director of Microsoft’s Windows client unit announced this innovative move from Microsoft earlier today.

“We’re trying to make sure we have the right set of offerings for different customers,” said Goffe. The impressive list of Vista Editions follows:

* Vista Professional Edition
* Vista Semi-Professional Edition
* Vista Slightly Professional Edition
* Vista Complete Amateur Edition
* Vista Server Edition
* Vista Server Premium Edition
* Vista Server Not Bad But Not As Good As Premium Edition
* Vista Server My Other Edition Is Premium Edition Edition
* Vista 5 User License Edition
* Vista Site License Edition
* Vista Country License Edition
* Vista Planetary License Edition
* Vista Galaxy License Edition
* Vista Universe License Edition
* Vista Universe License Without Windows Media Player Edition*
* Vista Home Edition
* Vista Home Premium Edition
* Vista Home Premium Edition With Some Server Features
* Vista Home I Can’t Believe It’s Not Server Edition
* Vista Away From Home But Have My Laptop With Me Edition
* Vista Gamers Edition
* Vista Mostly Play Games but Also Like to Surf the Net Edition
* Vista Boot Straight Into World of Warcraft and Never Be Seen Again Edition
* Vista Just Read Email And Clean Up Viruses Edition
* Vista Downloaded Via Bittorrent Just Wait For The Subpoena Edition Vista Erases Your iPod Edition (with Free Creative Player Voucher Included)
* Vista Beginners Edition
* Vista Intermediate Edition
* Vista Advanced Edition
* Vista Write My Own Drivers Edition
* Vista One Finger On The Reset Button Edition
* Vista Uninstall And Reinstall XP Edition
* Vista ME Just Joking! Practical Jokers Edition

“There should be something there for everyone,” said Goffe. When asked when the editions would be shipping, Goffe replied, “I can’t really say, we haven’t finished coding any of this yet.”

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